Entry 145: When is it time..

Sudden gush of tears

From deep within reasons unknown

Perhaps I'm just longing for that lil hope

The urge to just leave this world out of my life

I feel like enclosing myself to nothing else but myself and my own family

They who will really take me for who I am

And not who I should be

When I needed someone

When my sorrows pour

He is not whom I confide into

They are not whom I called up to

Cos deep down I know

No matter how much I try or they

Things are still not gonna change much

Have you feel battered in life

With an unknown force so strong that you feel yourself falling so hard

You wonder has gravity taken its toll on you

Has life been a problem to you

Maybe, you wanted everything to end

The moment you fall flat on ground

but how true is that

The moment you realise things are still the same

You are back to a helpless being wandering on the streets

How hard you cry is not gonna be heard

Cos people out there are too loud

They can't hear you

Have you tried speaking up and voicing out for yourself

Yet left with snares and glares you can't sway away

I talked to you but you can't hear me

You have your problems and I have mine

Emotions take it away

And you loathe so much you walked away

Don't you see where our problem lies?

Each day that passed with tearful face

How am I suppose to be strong enough to challenge whatever might follow

How am I strong to believe we'll always pull through?

I know I've been a drag to you

These while you said you love me

Yet talk feels so cheap I can't deny I'm sick

Future seems vague and dream seems weary

I no longer feel my strength to hold on

And

Though I know your presence could lessen no heartache

I wish you could be here for me always

Not like the way you do

Or maybe I should quit being reliant on you who need your freedom

Intentions to quit feeling so emotional

Hoping to take this load off you

Yet no matter how hard I try

I know failure is finalised

...

Cos I've never won in your battle of games and ciggs..

I'm fine.