Entry 219: I read them with my heart all over again..

I read my past

I read their past

I read how things are going for anyone else and I

For a moment I try to recall

All those times I shared with people around me

They never happen with no reason no lesson

I know I was taught a lot ..a lot..

Some people never see that in their history and future

lie not rocky uphills nor meandering paths

but great oppotunities to learn the way life is

Not to discourage but to prove that humans can do wonders

With determination and the will

None died unless he chose that path to cease what he deemed to be too much for him

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Received a message yesterday from my cuzzie, Virneige.

She asked what would be considered a perfect camera to me..

And I replied "snap alr I v pretty! not like jiejie's cam.. orangie >.< "

It reminded me of the thoughts that run through my mind while I was bathing the other day.

I have no idea what struck or triggered that "flashback" thingy..

All I knew was..

I wanted to get a camera

And my main purpose is to snap moments with my parents, especially my DAD.

I've mentioned many times about how I'll fight to my last breath if anyone is to hurt my Mom,

but this time, all I thought of was Dad..

Sis and Bro,

do you remember us going to the beach like a "family day" when we're very young?

do you remember we went haw par villa and snapped lotsa photos and there was once dad's vehicle was clamped?

do you remember our first family out-of-SG trip to penang/langkawi?

do you remember the times we have very BIG and NICE lantern DIY-ed by Dad? not those commercial or paper type we see nowadays?

...

I remembered and I recalled times I would eagerly tell my Dad that I wanna tag along with him to go find fruits and frogs/fishes/prawns and many others in those green forests..

I remembered vividly how I cruelly net up some fishes by the side of the pond my Dad was fishing and pressed its tummy til its "babies" prrrrrrrrrooot out >.<

I was really very very young and explorative x)

I remembered singing lotsa then pop songs like Tarzan and Jane and other chinese ones to my Dad in the "satay room" when we were earning a living with satay selling at 216

I wish I have taken all those moments with him..

And I started dating back the last time I saw him..

I think it was that dinner we went..

I felt a lil pinch ..

What have I been doing all these while in another home?

I tried to go with my parents lead whenever they feel like going out TOGETHER..

When my mom calls to ask if I wanna go somewhere with my dad too..

I agreed..

oh ya.. I remembered.. I was thinking about all these cos I saw this old couple who resemble a lot like Mom and Dad..

It was not something pleasant though..

I cried on the bus while telling Baby they look like Mom and Dad..

The way Dad would be so annoyed and pissed when Mom did a lil wrong/ps thing

But Mom would try to force that embarrassed smile..

It hurts greatly but they'll never know..

They don't notice that I am looking.. in my heart..

I kept everything deep down and I told my Mom at times

Things that she better don't say or do cos it'll sure piss Dad off..

Do you know how this feeling is like?

Now that I rarely go out with Dad .. and with Mom..

I thought snapping and developing those photos and keep them in a beautiful big photo album would be so wonderful..

It would be my best gift from them to me that I could recall with tangible "evidence"

Their presence in the photos I mean..

oh, and not to forget
Times my bro fetched me home from 216 in a bicycle..
The down slope was SUPER exciting cos he let go at almost FULL speed
I was scared of crashing though xD

and times my sis piggybacked me to the washroom cos I hurt my ankle
and times she poured a cup of water with salt cos I had bad tummy when I was young
I get diarrhea easily at that time..

I love those moments all three of us would talk to one another together..
Could I flip back to that page of my life book and snap photos of us?
I can't..

So when would I get one camera for myself?

I'm not working .. and I really have no time to after seeing my timetable..

Mom is not giving me the usual allowance of 100bucks cos Dad didn't give her much too..

and with the other 100bucks I received from his dad, I have to spend it on groceries for the both of us when the fridge is quite "bare"

My moola are flowing out fast not cos I splurge on clothes/bag/shoes

I don't have extras to buy them =(

Food and food and food..

but none can live without isnt it? ^.*

This is a lengthy post I know.. shall end here then..

good day everyone..