Entry 173: Gift From Heaven

THe consequences for acting harshly..
I can't deny I was really angry. And in a fit of anger.. I threw away the most precious gift I believed was from heaven.
TO me, it signifies the last true love in my life.. A red heart stone found in his presence..


Now that I've lost my only belief.. What am I suppose to do?
I've searched the night and morning but I can't seem to draw a boundary to find it..
Neither am I clear how much strength I used and which direction I threw..


All I know was, I did hold back when I was letting go of the belief..
And Now, I regretted so much..


Illogically, God took that gift back knowing none of us cherish it..
Logically, it might be still lying somewhere in the grasses or on the tree or someone might have taken it away..


I'm lost in this fantasy and factuality..
I thought love's never gonna be the same anymore..
And just like that gift.. I've thrown it away and I'm never gonna find it back no more..


He said assumption kills
He said his patience is running out
He said he enjoys his life now


I selfishly asked if I could continue to stay til I find a guy who really would take care of me
But as much as I want to leave, I want to stay..


How much could I bear to leave him? Till the day my heart stop beating..
I can't do anything now..
The constant hurt and voice that resounds in my ear
They tell me one day we're going to part.. it's all about time.
And so I tell myself like a childish lil girl..
I will treat him like a friend and hopefully get used to life almost without him..
I have no confident in achieving it.. Neither do I wish to..
But maybe, I have to..


Once again, I allow love to hurt me ..
But I am sure, I'll never give up..