Entry 292: When you told me you loved my [Lyrics]

Once

Doesn't mean anything to me

Come

Show me the meaning of complete

Where

Did our love go wrong

Once we were so strong

How can I go on?

When you told me you loved me

Did you know it would take me the rest of my life

to get over the feeling of knowing

A dream didn't turn out right

When you let me believe that you weren't complete

Without me by your side

how could I know

That you would go

That you would run

Baby, I thought you were the one

Why

Can't I just leave it all behind

I

Felt passion so bright that I was blind

Then

Something made me weak

Talking in my sleep

Baby, I'm in so deep and you know I believed

When you told me you loved me

Did you know it would take me the rest of my life

to get over the feeling of knowing

A dream didn't turn out right

When you let me believe that you weren't complete

Without me by your side

how could I know

That you would go

That you would run

Baby, I thought you were the one

Your lips

Your face

Something that time just can't erase

Find my heart

Could break

All over again

When you told me you loved me

Did you know it would take me the rest of my life

to get over the feeling of knowing

A dream didn't turn out right

When you let me believe that you weren't complete

Without me by your side

how could I know

That you would go

That you would run

Baby, I thought you were the one

Entry 291: It was him who made me stronger in your life

A day has passed. Officially having XL out of the
picture..

Listening to the same voices over your skype that I thought I have been immuned to.. I realised....

It was him who got me out of the shit feeling. It was him who made me focus less on you.

It was him who made me stronger in your life, your cyber world.

But now, I have to carry on all alone again without someone there to divert this full attention of mine from you

The voices they are haunting me. Perhaps, I was wrong about being strong and independent during this one month. I was wrong. I thought I am prepared to get back to how it should be like.. But I was wrong.

These tears, these emotions, these fear, these wandering.. I was wrong about being capable to handle all alone..

Back to the scene of you and me. What is left to act? Where's the script?
Director, will you help me lead the show? Who are you.. where are you......

Entry 290: Confession of the Unfaithful Heart

Some readers might have been wondering and speculating what was wrong with me for the past few days/weeks. Now, I shall reveal it cos I've confessed to the person who is so dear to me..

And if you're those that thinks I am a good girlfriend to have.. Think twice now. I'm not. 

I'm scarred.

Weeks back, I met XL after the last time we saw each other when I was together with G. He told me he had already liked me since then but felt it wasn't the right time to go after me when G and I broke up and that G was his "brother".

Messages never stopped the day we met up again. Things start to complicate and feelings got too out of hand. We went out a few times, and each time I have to lie to my boy that I have something on and can't go home early. The guilt was creeping..

It was the third time XL and I brought up the need to cease whatever is so wrong between me and himself. The first two times were hard. Partly, he gave me memories that I won't forget. Partly, he is the reason I could divert my full attention away from my boy and not feel too left out. But I'll never deny, I did fell for XL.

It was all a mistake in the beginning and never could I continue it after seeing those sufferings he might be going through. Neither could I stop feeling guilty and confused. Never could I imagine what would happen if my boy finds out bout us and decided to leave me. I knew the man I wanna spend forever with yet I decided to let feelings over-ride me. I was too selfish to call XL back the first two times. Apologies will never heal those wounds he has because of me.

Now, the third time we promised never to turn back again. I can't help but to tell the truth I've kept long enough to torture my mind and soul to my boy. I hugged him with tears, ache and fear. It was a messed up feeling.

I've always entrusted my eternity to my boy, I've always know.. yet I created another game I called mine, to be controlled by no one else but me.. And now I've lost. I lost not to the players that joined.. but to the harsh rules I created to abide by.

I'm quitting this.
I need to leave cos I can't have the best of both worlds. When two choices appear, you just gotta make one one day.. and it is always best to make it quick cos you'd never know if dragging the decision making would give you a clearer view or make you less decisive..
I really hope XL and I could still smile and talk like good friends the next time we ever meet again.. I don't want to see people leaving my life. Not you not him not anyone..

我知道没有人是永远的英雄，有一天还是会被伤害，躲起来独自疗伤。。

Entry 289: A FriDAY-Out

Went to my childcare centre to let my mentor sign my fp guidebook which I had to redo and submit to her for attendence signing COS I DROPPED MY PREVIOUS ONE INTO THEIR DAMN BUILT-IN SHELF WHICH BLARDY HELL HAS A CROOKED WALL ATTACHED that I can't retrieve the book la!!

But oh well.. finished redoing those few pages the day I got a new one..

so managed to let her sign it ytd. Save the hassle for me after my 2hrs monday class (:

Anyways, following 4 photos are long overdued.. taken the day XT and I went cycling at ECP..

I WANNA GO AGAIN!~!!

And not to forget the fall which gave her this red bruise xD LOL!

  

...

Before meeting her at Fareast yesterday..

Can't remember when was the last time we took photos together >.<

His hair color isn't obvious here cos I editted the tone xD

 Didn't take many photos nowadays..

Shall wait for XT to send me the one we took yesterday (:

And thanks for the necklace!

Though you mentioned it's only 5bucks..

 =D

Entry 288: SIS: Honor or debasement?

I can't help stealing second glimpse from my sis~!

OMG.. Remembered I said she dyed a brown hair dye and looked kinda ah lian?

Gosh.. can't believe after she curled her hair herself, along with her outfit and heels..

DAMN! She looks BEAUTIFUL!!!

Whahahhahahahaa.. What a praise! Wonder if she'll see this? Probably say me siao or happily stealthily laughing or smiling to herself. LOL!

Entry 287: The machination of feelings and love.

It's too good to be true at times. Don't you think so?
Maybe when you start to cherish, you learned that nothing is forever
Maybe when you start to break down, you learned that falling is not the end
Maybe when things start to fall apart, you learned that they make you stronger

There are just so many things going on in life.. And hence, life is an ongoing and never-ending learning journey.

I'm still learning.. what bout you?

P.S: I wanna start revising for exams! Anyone hardworking enough to join me? xD haha!

Entry 286: KoiCafe is Loved!

Went to the Salon on Tuesday cos Monkaye want a new hair color..

Initially he wanted purple.. but his hair is too black..

So the salon girl chose a copper brown for him

Now he looks rather bengz

and his sis dyed her hair too like lianz..

lols..

My sis too..

What's the trend now in da house?!

Monkaye will be dyeing his hair again before CNY..

Stay tune for his purpliiisssshhhh hair!

Entry 285: Unspoken truths..

Some things bottled up too deep within me.

I can't tell

I can't confess

I can't describe

I can't explain

I can't defend

I can't blame
I can't do anything say anything

I was told to move on. I was told to live with it. I was told to be firm. I was told not to live in regrets.

Nothing near to the best.. Nothing could be the best.

Just too imperfect.

It might be dying soon.. I don't know

Loss of vision.. I can't see where I'm heading now..

What's future for me.. I don't wanna think anymore.. Don't wish to..

Entry 284: Mine or His?

Spring cleaned his room these 2 days.
Obviously areas where are OCCUPIED by ME are all wiped til squeaky clean~! xD

Whereas those that I'm not really using and which he tidied are not wiped -.-"
Should I say him lazy or?

Anyways, Monkaye said he does not know whether to collect rental from me not cos I occupied 80% of his room and this desk I'm using now, his stuffs only took up 10% of the space =X

LOL.. This is like a room I call mine! Unlike sharing with sis or bro back then.
oh oh! Random note: Dad asked me to sleep in the middle of the bed  few days back like how I did when I was like SO DARN YOUNG! LMAO!! He loves reminiscing the past eh? Ever after the phone.. >.<

Ok, back to the topic
Things are pretty much in place and Monkaye bet it will be messed up BY ME within a week..
yaya.. not even a day and he was the one who refused to put things back to where he took it from -,-"
Pot calling kettle black. Who SIAL!

The whole room is now more spacious..~ weeeee..
okok.. I simply have nothing exciting or thrilling or emotional to post.
Not at the moment I guess? xD

Bye peeps!
Yea~ I'm doing fine now.

Entry 283: Playlist Requested.

Hi Anon. As requested, below is the previous song list.. Hope you'll find the song you wanted (:


1 - Ring Ding Ding Dang - Ni Wei Shen Me Shuo Huang


2 - 16 Kong Gang - Dai Ai Ling

3 - 07-Gu Dan Xin Shi

4 - Rachel Liang-Ai Yi Zhi Cun Zai

5 - Tian Xin - Wo Men Shi Lian Ai De Ren
6 - Wen Lan - Wo Quan Dou Xiang Xin

7 - Xuan zi- She Bu De

8 - NanQuan MaMa-Xia Yu Tian 

9 - Rachel Liang-Qin Ai De Shi Wo 

10 - Rachel Liang-Ku Guo Jiu Hao Le

Entry 282: Who Am I (Casting Crowns)

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Who am I?

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

I am yours..

I am yours..

Entry 281: English Playback~

Entry 280: The decision between Two..

Someone ever told me about the news regarding the very common "silly" question people tend to ask.
Specifically, some super sticky girlfriends of yours or some uber nasty moms who dislike the son's girlfriend to the max.. You bet this is what you'll hear:

"If both your mom and you gf drown, who will you save first?"

Back to the news first, it was child and mom who drown and dad has to decide who to save. He chose the wife. Without knowing what my friend asked was related to the news, I replied that I would choose to save my husband. My mentality was if I save my husband, we could still have children in the future. I'm not someone who cope very well with loss of a dearest love.

Some people commented that the man was being too selfish and stuff for he chose to let the child drown. Why not think the other way? Either ways, one of them is gonna drown due to the water condition. He made a decision quick enough to save at least one. How much do you know about his grief on the loss of his child? You can't deny that's his flesh and blood. How could he not feel the tremendous ache? Yet, what else could he do?

Likewise, if it is the reverse, won't people give negative comments too? This is human.

---

What I'm trying to drive at? When was your last time facing difficulty in choosing ONE out of the TWO..? Anything it can be. (at this point, my headache seems to be acting up) I'm in this phase now. I'm letting destiny and time take control of whatever should or would come. I know that's not a very wise choice but things will eventually be sorted out (I hope).

I begin to wonder things I thought has changed quite a little lately. I don't wish to admit but I realise some things or emotions never change. How could I possibly carry on with so much going on in my mind? I can't let go, neither could I be firm. I'm so confused.

Then I tried to look deeper into myself, I see nothing. Visions blurred. (I'm not talking very much sense if you are making wild guesses about what I'm talking about now) I can't imagine myself standing on such a risky position. It never feels so strong. This dilemma caught me off guard, totally.

Of all that I can't figure out, I've finally decided not to ponder too much. All matters shall have its end one day, just.. not now.

 Every other step I take is a mistake, yet I can't stop moving on.

Keep going girl.. keep going...

Wayne is going to perambulate the nearby park alone.

Feel the cool breeze, shaken by the chilly wind..

and with hopes, shall it blow my confusions and troubles away..

With Loves

Entry 279: I See You.

You'd probably heard this .. seen this..
I See You lyrics

Entry 278: 没有照片的回忆

不是每一段快乐时光都会有属于它的永久片段
但不是没有这些会说话的照片就没了最完美的曾经

有些快乐不一定能用摄影把它变成永恒
但至少这些甜蜜的点点滴滴都已清楚地映在心底

你知道吗？
照片其实也会让人误解。。毕竟同样的照片，在不同人的眼里，表达出的意思自然也就不一样。

Entry 277: The sweetest appreciations~

Dad called to thank me and gave me a kiss on my cheek when he saw me at home!
First up, I recontracted my mobile plan and gotten a white sony ericssons flip phone for my dad. I've only managed to pass him the phone 2 or 3 days back and he was darn happy I bet. It's not a super good or new model but a change of phone AND from ME, is better than nothing! =D
the hilarious part about what Mom told me was that she happily told my brother to save and transfer all her contacts and stuff to the new phone cos she thinks that Dad would probably not use it! But it turns out the opposite and there she started to give comments like.."later he drunk then forget he is using flip phone and he will open so hard that it breaks apart.." blah blah.. Mom ah mom.. haha

"Craved" Poifull Candy from JuJu! What a telepathy thingy~~
Received a box of poifull candy from Ju on the first day of school. It was something like a belated birthday thingy and I thought it was awesome! I've een finding the candy but sadly, GIANT at my area doesn't sell it >.< So there goes a strike off from my cravings list :)

My "selfish" sis didn't rant at me when I was in her black Jacket that she doesn't want it!
Ok, she WILL sure give some nasty remarks or ask me to take it off whatever's hers if she's in a foul mood. Even if she is not, she would still not want to see me in her stuff though she is not using it anymore. That's my sis. I have no idea why is she PARTICULARLY selfish towards her OWN BLOOD sister.. Partly cos I tend to take her stuff without asking? xD Oh forget it. That's so less frequent now.. I'm glad she didn't say me, but maybe she is cursing me deep down? LOL

A nice "older blog reader" of mine, Damon.
Ever crossed someone who would drop you a comment thanking you for your blog entries? Telling you that you are doing fine and stuff? I found one ^^ The comment as you peeps can view under my previous post, Life, is heartwarming to me. Like how many times would I get people who say this to such a "lowly" blogger? I'm not some big f bloggers who blog the life out of them.. who earn with blog and simply live with it.. Damon, I'm really realy thankful or your comment. It made part of my day (:

My MONKAYE unexectedly texted me something short yet sweet to me!
It wasn't within any expectations, neither would he do that. He messaged me an hour ago telling me that he really really loves me a lot and he misses me loads. Then he ended off with "I'm going back to sleep". Everything in just ONE sms, yet it melted my heart.

...

I've mentioned a few times about being lost in some world now.. I know what he did could have make my day so so much better, but as he is not the cause of what I'm thinking, or maybe just partially, things are still running through my mind like some spoilt record player with a stop functioning "square-printed" button.


Alrights. I gotta get back to projects now.

Entry 276: Life.

2 words to summarise "How am I"

Turbid Feelings.

Entry 275: ..and it's too much

So much going on in my mind

In my heart

yet nothing and no one could make it clearer..

Entry 274: 就算甜蜜。。

从来不曾过度怀疑

拥有的我是幸福的

突然感到心再一次的感动

来袭的温暖冲昏了头

是什么样的他

坦诚地说出喜欢的时刻不在重圆

而在初遇的那段日子

可惜一切都还是来得太晚

来不及也得不到回应

有时，害怕的不是改变

而是换了目标，依靠

结果会怎么样

是否会后悔当初鲁莽的决定

一切都可能像拥有的一样

总有一天还是会面临同样的对待

不敢去想未来是他还是他

相信时间会带我走出明亮的那一天

Entry 273: Romance

Haven't you heard her saying she misses someone else?

Haven't you feel her holding his hands yet thinking of yet another him?

Haven't you see her eyes drifting from him to him?

Haven't you smell the slightest ambiguity in her words?

Haven't you taste the sweetest flavour of being falling in love again?

Love.

It sets me thinking

If love is just about being together for life, for eternity

Why do people let go to seek for the slightest change of feelings so strong

They used to love hard, try hard

Yet just another person things could be so different

There are people who stayed

People who chose to leave

Which type are you?

Do you know your heart is constantly beating for a reason?

And just because it is beating, you feel more than ever

You could be influenced and tempted by the little bits of deviations

(I'm losing sight on my words)

In short, to love the one who stayed with you til thus far, loving you even after fray

or leave with the person your heart is starting to beat faster for at the moment

Do you know if you choose the latter, you might be hit with the fact that the former could have been a better choice? You'll never know if that person whom you had a liking for is able to do that far as the one you're with.

So, be wise girl.

Replies:

Anon, they are really nice besties of mine who no matter what stayed by my side.
You've found yours, and I hope it will be for life ^^
Humans need friends.
And friends need you.
Cheers!

Entry 272: Overdues but never expires

Just had Mac Breakfast delivery! =D

yum yum..

Watched OLD DOG yesterday.

Woooo.. It's a real comedy!

Catch it eh!

ANYWAY!

Let me rant and complain about CATHAY staffs!

IF YOU EVER WANNA BE PART OF ANY MEMBERSHIP GIVING OUT TREATS AND DISCOUNTS

PLEASE GO READ WHAT YOU CLAIM TO OFFER!

SYAID RASHID FROM CINE CATHAY I KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BE FAMILIAR BUT DON'T YOU SHOOK YOUR HEAD AGAIN WHEN I ASK YOU ABOUT THINGS I AM SURE I READ IT SOMEWHERE! YOU MADE ME DOUBT MY OWN EYES! HELL!

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH AND I AM SUPPOSE TO GET BIRTHDAY TREATS INCLUDING SMALL POPCORN AND COKE! IF I WANNA GO WATCH MY MOVIE TODAY, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY ME BACK MY COKE I TELL YOU!

-.-" I know it's not entirely his fault.. but hey, can't he ask his superviosrs or what to double confirm my question? shyt.

Entry 271: Lyrical Snack!

Song: Here in My Heart
Sang by: Plus One

Wherever you are tonight girl
I'll see you in my dreams
Wherever I go tomorrow
You'll be here next to me

And though we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far

'Cause here in my heart
There's a picture of us
Together forever
Unfaded and unbroken
Wherever you are
Your love covers me
Forever more you'll be
Here in my heart

Whenever I miss you so much
It's more than I can bear
I won't cry, I'll
just close my eyes
And know you'll be there

Your kiss and your touch
I'll never forget
'Cause you're as close
As my very next breath

---

Song: Everytime
Sang By: A1

Lately i'm not who i used to be
Someone's come and taken me
Where i don't wanna go
If i knew exactly what i have to do
In order to be there for you
When you were feeling low

And all the things we ever wanted
Were once yours and mine
Now, i know we can revive it
All the love we left

Everytime i kiss i feel your lips and
Everytime i cry i see your smile and
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave your love away

save me, i've fallen from my destiny
You and i were meant to be
I've thrown it all away
Now you're gone
It's time for me to carry on
But baby i just can't go on
Without you by my side

And all the things we ever wanted
Were once yours and mine
Now, i know we can revive it
All the love we left

Everytime i kiss i feel your lips and
Everytime i cry i see your smile and
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave your love away

We can survive it
All the pain we feel inside
You relied on me and now i've let you down
Now, i promise you forever
I will be the best i can
Now, i know we can revive it
All the love we left

Everytime i kiss i feel your lips and
Everytime i cry i see your smile and
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since i gave your love away

---

Song: Like A Rose
Sang By: A1


And as I look into your eyes

I see an angel in disguise
Sent from God above
For me to love
To hold and idolise
And as I hold your body near
I'll see this month through to a year
And then forever on
'Til life is gone
I'll keep your loving near

And now I've finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

And when I feel like hope is gone
You give me strength to carry on
Each time I look at you
There's something new
To keep our loving strong

I hear you whisper in my ear
All of the words I long to hear
Of how you'll always be
Here next to me
To wipe away my tears

And now I've finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

And though the seasons change
Our love remains the same
You face the thunder
When the sunshine turns to rain
Just like a rose

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow

You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose..

---

Song: One Last Song
Sang By: A1

Take my hand, touch my face

Let me feel your embrace
Let me see in your eyes
That you wont say goodbye
Just tell me how you feel
I dont know what you're thinking anymore

And if you need me, you'd kiss me
Then tell me how you feel
And if you want me, you'd show me
That your love is for real
And if you love me
You'd hold me in your arms where I belong
So while I'm feeling strong
I sing you one last song

Let me ask time has passed
Do you feel this could last
If you dont, why then stay
Take your wings, fly away
I love you way too much
To wanna be the one who brings you down

And if you need me, you'd kiss me
Then tell me how you feel
And if you want me, you'd show me
That your love is for real
And if you love me
You'd hold me in your arms where I belong
So while I'm feeling strong
I sing you one last song

One last song I sing for you
Like I always did
This time it's for real
I never come to you like this
Expecting you to turn my kiss
Oh no no no no no

And if you need me, you'd kiss me
Then tell me how you feel
And if you want me, you'd show me
That your love is for real
And if you love me
You�d hold me in your arms where I belong
So while I'm feeling strong
I sing you one last song
Oh yeah
I sing you one last song
I sing you one last song

---

Song: What Good Is A Heart
Sang By: Code Red

I told you how I felt,

I told you what it meant,
But I still haven't changed your mind,
I know that you're afraid,
You're frightened of the pain,
But you can let down your guard...

Cause when we run, when we hide,
We deny what's inside...

What good is a heart if you're not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you're too scared to choose it,
If you're heart is beating, then it's for a reason, girl,
If you're not willing to start, what good is a heart?

Don't make the same mistake that people often make,
And miss out on a chance for love,
You've got to make your move, you've got to make it soon,
Cause you're dying inside...

Yes, I'm a man, but I cry,
I have fears, I won't lie...

What good is a heart if you're not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you're too scared to choose it,
If you're heart is beating, then it's for a reason, girl,
If you're not willing to start, what good is a heart?

Come on, babe, you know it, girl,
Anyone who looks can see that I'm right,
There's a chance here, we could take it,
Or regret it for the rest of our lives...

What good is a heart if you're not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you're too scared to choose it,
If you're heart is beating, then it's for a reason, girl,
If you're not willing to start, what good is a heart?

---


 

Entry 270: Munchies Update

Sneak peek for upcoming entry on my birthday!

(okok.. provided I receive those nonsensical yet enjoyable cam-captured photos)

 THANKS EVERYONE

 FOR WISHING NING HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

it's awesome to have all you guys walking alongside or somewhere out there with me.

I'm thankful.

Had steamboat dinner with my dearest girls and some with their BFs.

Am duper glad that all of them were able to make it (:

Thanks 女人 for trying to gather everyone for majority of the time~!

---

A lil long dedication to Ning and EVERYONE:

(6th Jan 2010)
This day, I started with emotions hard to define.

Tears beating around the corner of my eyes yet I knew from deep within me

they are not cries of heartache or sadness.

I've lived for 19 years (plus 1 day to be exact)

What has life done to me?

I had and have so many loved ones around me

And harsh or unexpected situations always prove me how much they care though they don't always express it out
---

(Sec3 period)

Remember the first heartache I had in a broken relationship of my first ever commitment with E.

He gave me all the love he could and showed me how I could depend on him.

I thought forever is there but soon it was extirpated.

When I thought my world was full of disillusions and relationship has finally taken its death sentence on me

I realised my Mom was there looking over me secretly

A letter she wrote melted my heart.

I cried.

I told myself to move on.. and soon I did.

At this juncture, I got to thank my good friend aka 知己，Lincoln L.

He was there for me ALL THE WHILE I needed someone.

He took me out for walks at the beach and malls.

He fetched me from school so I won't be all alone.

And he was unknowingly, a bridge, to my blessed chance of meeting some of the girls in my clique which grows bigger gradually..

Not only him.. My dearest of 3-months older cuzzie, Yoshiko-Joe.

She was the one who, whether rain or shine, dated me out for swims at Jurong swimming complex

We were having so much fun that even lifeguards and staffs there were so familiar with us.

There was once we did not have enough to rent two floats so we ended up with only one.

Goodwill.. The person lent us another one for free! =D

She talked to me, accompanied me..

We had the most of our lives.

---

Then I cameby many people who make me learn to grow.

Be it directly or indirectly, intentionally or accidentally, sweetly or viciously

I thank them.

They gave me the best lessons in life.

---

With regards to friendships..

I've had them, I've lost them

I've cherished and I've broken some

Along the way, I saw the ugly side of humankind

Including myself

Yet I can't deny they live in everyone of us.

The most recent failure of maintenance of friendship is with this once very closed classmate of mine.

Girl, I love you.

I can't say how much I was at fault

Neither are you.

I had so much to bear myself that I kept it all in me

With a simple shake, I turn down all possible chances to keep our friendships in constant contact.

Maybe I was too naive - to think we could endure distances.

I thought I was wrong and disappointed. But I know.. you were too.

So I begin to think otherwise..

Perhaps, we've moved on and found different goals in life.

We're still talking just.. not that close anymore.

I've always been mentioning about this girl I used to look down a lot.

She has everything and anything I could to pinpoint and detest

But I realise I hurt myself along this path as well

Regrets won't do much to what's damaged.

I've expressed my apologies umpteen times and I guess she has moved on pretty well too

Hilariously, I dreamt that we were out together again one day..

It ended shortly.

Perhaps, unconsciously, that was what I wished.

---

To my dearest GIRLS..

if you ever remember how many we started out with.

Who we started out with til now.

You know who they are I'm talking about..

What hurts me the most is seeing friends tearing apart.

Maybe all those times, some were just faking a smile try'na act friendly and nice with one another

I don't know and I don't wish to know.

I'm just a lil disappointed.

If hatred starts to grow, will hatred against me start one day too?

Unpredictable. Just like how things have happened.

Many a time, I chose to take no stand in either sides cos I believe there is no way a third person can truly recover what had happened.

But I've learnt to take the first step after these years of living and growing.

Have you?

Yes, you gotta be a lil thickskinned to endure even faults you're not to be blamed.

But if they could twist the bad situation to a much better one.. why not?

It's harmless.

---

For my only one..

I'm thankful to have you by my side for 2 years and ongoing.

Too much I could say, you know..

I love you for eternity..

I'll be getting too too draggy if I continue..

So, here I shall end my dedication (:

-------------------------------------------------------

Last note:

Birthday didn't end well with news about people around me arriving at my ears.

Girlfriend left her ID and other cards at the steamboat location.

And Porcupine-Turtle-Pig's mom is hospitalised.

Please..

Bless everyone..

Entry 269: ECP for a good workout (:

Woohoo! lalala..
Randomly asked XiaoTing out yesterday to ECP and she was SO STEADY BONG BIBI! =D

Her friend drove us to ECP and we went straight to bicycle rental..
2bikes for $14. The one hour free one hour one to the right after exiting the alley beside 7-11.

Cool shyt. Haven't been cycling like this for ages! Though the last time I cycled was not long ago..

in SMALL bikes meant for KIDS in my family chalet gathering. Boney Monkaye wanted to cycle so we went for it.. The seats are "AWESOME" huh. My butt bone was so painful like "or ceh" the day after =X

This time round.. we cycled.. doesn't feel very tiring.

But had a bad bad thigh ache while sleeping last night.

I can't figure out whether is there cramps cos it is just plain hurtful!
xD proves that I'm not a sporty healthy person ! LOL!

I WANNA GO CYCLING AGAIN!!!!





p.s: Photos will be uploaded PROVIDED that kuku XiaoTing remembers to "pay back" the photos! =S

Entry 268: End of 2009..

Went to Cine to meet up with 奶妈 and Lover (:

Of course, I camwhored a lil to pass the LONG LONG time..

TWISTIES TOMATO!!!!!!!!!

Me.Lover.奶妈

Who's that chick!

haha.. 女人joined us at Marina (:

This is a super comfy place BESIDE the toilet -.-"

haha

I was looking at people passing by xD

SHO HAPPY~ Lols!

Thanks Dearie! =D The LS girls has finally something in common (:

That bangle is the best to signify unity in us! <3

act cute! xP

 My wonderful 斗鸡眼！

 muacks muacks! xoxo

Fireworks marked the end of 2009.

While everyone exclaims the new year..
I've seen many having a bad start

And so do I, a boring one.

I don't want my holidays to end.

Though it was a short 2wks break.. I'm still lovin' the feeling of not stepping into that campus filled with masked people.

How genuine can one be I wonder?

If there would be someone who will be there to accompany me for lunch willingly and do everything with me while there is any breaks in between lessons..

That'll be awesome!

Fat hope Wayne! lols.

Alrights, I hope I could make it to ECP later with two of my girls..

I don't wanna waste another saturday at home.

NONO!