Entry 312: 你和我的问题始终存在着

I thought with those nights we spent out together even if they were with the companion of many others, our relationship would be better.. But time after time, you just made me feel like everything is just as stagnant as before. No worries, we didn't quarrel, neither are we at the verge to.. Too tired to even get into a tiff. Just lament over what's never changing.

I wasn't too naive to think anything would change the quality of our relations. Maybe it was just a lack of appreciation, a lack of awareness. Some things don't come easy, even if it does, it might not be effortless to maintain it either. What we don't see is what we can't feel.. And because we can't feel, we know we don't truly appreciate or for the minimal, try to understand and accept.

Whenever people ask about you.. there are only 2 answers I would probably give.
Either you are asleep or in front of your com in the living room. I'm always in the room alone now. Maybe not all the time but majority. And those times when I heard you pushing your chair out and loud footsteps skipping into the room, there is only one thing I could associate with that you always prove me right..

That is, to take your cigg.

Well, I'm not immuned to how you are treating this relationship but neither am I being too pushy with all these. Who don't know being together after some time would mean a gradual curtail in the amount of sweetness and togetherness? Not that I don't realise it's already happening.. to us at least.

Whenever I think of you, I could imagine the busy one playing dota and whom I probe a lil more would get piss and tell me off. Or perhaps the quiet one that is sound asleep on the bed whom I never fail to try mock a lil to myself at your funny postures. Otherwise, I would think of the sweet one who tends to hug and show love in various ways in front of others. I know you mean those affections, but somehow, I feel superficial in a way or another.

You told me to avoid entries so negative about us and if I really have to, I should keep this space private. You don't realise I need to confess and be heard. To who, I have no idea. As long as I get replies somehow, a concern or two, I'm more or less consoled. So please, pardon me.

We all try to make a better tomorrow, a better future.. yet every today we try to make that bit more of effort, we can never achieve what we set for ourselves. We don't see the fact that these goals are constantly changing and increasing. Human's nature, greed. How would we ever stop when we keep asking for more? Directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly.

Humans, yes we are. We can't deny.