THE LAST LETTER
Spending almost my entire teenage life with you, i thought you were the only one that i could feel safe with. The only one who know me inside out. But I was wrong or we were wrong. It was a mistake that we got bck together 7 days ago. The rules you set for this r/s if we were to be bck together, when i thought only in game we got rules to obey. Funny thing, i agree with them and follow the rules you want me to. The 7 days been happy, i wouldnt lie yet torturing for me.
You told me trust is the big issue thats why we always end up quarrelling. So you set a rule, *forbid me to see your phone* Yes, at first we argue we disagree cause i always think when theres nothing to hide, theres noth wrong if i want to see your phone. But you say its all about respecting your privacy. Alright in the end, you allowed me to do whatever i want which include looking at your phone cause you told me you love me too much. I was that naive to think everything is bck for good. I was happy.
Thinking back, when i am out with you…. you locked your hp even ur lousy nokia hp you use in camp. Moreover, each time after using it you place it inside your pocket. Obviously trying to hide it away from me. I know i know i can ask you for password to access to ur hp but i didnt. I told myself, if you really think all this checking hp stuff is ruining this r/s, i want to see how is it helping it if i dont. Thus i told you, ” i take bck my words, i will never see your hp again. you dont have to hide it from me.“ The days I swallowed all the emotions, tried all i could to stop looking at your phone. And i did. I forced myself to be someone that wasnt me. Someone i know i wouldnt be happy to be. Cause deep down, i know you are happier that way.
Till today, it hit me that hard that I finally realise the effort i put in, the things i do, loving you so much till i lost myself are all useless. Cause you chose to believe what others had told you. Yes, your so-call friends. Im just fucking not gonna care if offend any of your friends. Those that tell you shit about me, and you trust them so much who you doesnt even know long. The last sentence that came out from my mouth was, ” if i were with that someone, will i even bother to contact you and be bck together?” You didnt hesitate and told me, ” ya why are you.”
At that very moment, the only thing that came out of my mind was you doubt my love for you. Doubt me for who i am, for all the things i did just for you……. When you told me to trust you, when you had never ever trust me. That moment, i went berserk. And that is the last time when i told myself its ENOUGH. I dont regret anything i done cause i know i tried all i could to salvage this r/s. I even went over my limit, allowing you to go Thai Pub for your friend’s birthday even though i fucking hell feel damn insecure that night. I kept all the unhappiness with me the very next day and treat it as nothing happened. You dont see it dont you? All i could feel was the hurt you bring me time after time. Im still gonna say it – you are that selfish.
For now and forever, ” you are out of my life, entirely out of my heart.”
I dont want to see you again, never ever again….
LOVE is just a four letter word, it doesnt exist in my dictionary.
[Retrieved from http://www.myfatpocket.com/shopaholiclady/2009/12/the-last-letter/]
What he had in mind about privacy and what she believed about transparency and honesty. They clashed.
What she didn't understand is how much the guy wanna be freed from those checkings.
But what he never understand is how he tried to protect his privacy would lead to worse scenarios.
Haven't anyone thought of the real meaning of being together? If there is bound to be respect, privacy is nothing.
Don't get me wrong.
Respect. It is not respecting for agreeing not to check when honestly, are you trying to hide something?
Respect. It is not for keeping anything from whom you said those three words to. Were you trying to protect her from the truth? Or were you trying to hide forever hoping she will never ever realise?
My boy has the exact same words like her guy. I think the same way she does but will anything change if we really don't bother what's behind those so-called privacy? Being together means being honest.
And only being freed from lies, will we be truly happy together. I've been trying to be as transparent as I could. I wonder, have he?
He has nothing to hide from me. This I know clearly. Or maybe for the moment. Trust takes its toll on many couples and friends. We doubted but what broke this thread is not distrust but the fact that people can't accept this test that someone up there has set for every single one of us.
If doubts cause a broken relationship, then let me tell you..
You're the one to be blamed cos you allow doubts to open up gaps which enable others to slip in.
You thought you were the weak one, you seek for someone who could be there as your voice, your ears.
You thought you found someone else worth your focus but when you really got together with that someone else, would things be the same as what you had or different? more or less.
As usual, I can't simply bring across this profound thought into such limited space and words.
有些事不能重来，但想一想，真正让事情/感情变迁的，到底是信任带给你的压迫感还是你有心无力的努力？
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